Reclaiming the Wild Woman

Last night, the feeling began. I felt as though I was a wild canine forced behind bars. I could feel the patriarical entity of society poking and prodding me with their sticks of suppression and accusal. I could hear mumbles being directed toward me, and caught “too wild” “dangerous” “unnatural” coming from their dark forms. I felt the anger rising to the surface of my skin, which was suddenly covered in layers of tangled winter fur. I could feel my breathing coming from deep within, creating steam as it left my nostrils. My lips curled and unsheathed gleaming white fangs as I growled and snapped at each of them. I was wild, and this time, they wouldn’t stop me. I paced the cage I found myself in, in search of escape. I could feel the fury culminating in my belly, a deep heat that fueled my strength. A cold wind blew aside the mist that had been enshrouding a full-bellied moon. My pupils they dilated when the lunar light reached my eyes. An unstoppable fury, one I had held onto for too long, mixed with a great sadness as it passed through my heart and exited my being in a deep, haunted howl that echoed through the surrounding forest. The howl slowly disappeared and all fell silent. The men began to shrink back as fear entered their eyes. Suddenly in the distance, howls returned, as though the echo was resurrected. Instinctually, the wavelengths of familiarity caused the fur on my back to raise. My pack was out there, those who looked and thought like me. I knew that was where I belonged. In one swift motion, I pushed off of my haunches and leaped for an opening in the cage. With a loud snap, a wooden bar broke, freeing me at last. The momentum hurled me onto the forest floor and I began to run. I could feel the ripple of my muscles beneath the fur that was being whipped by the wind. My claws gripped the dirt and roots that were disappearing underneath me as fast as they came. I felt alive. The cold air stung my eyes and nose as I ran, at an incline now, toward a rocky precipice. As I came to the top I paused, taking in the feeling of being fully free and wild, uninhibited by the nonsensical realm of society. The lady in the moon shone her light on my fur with a prideful gleam in her eye. Another howl began to boil from deep within, and it escaped from my fanged mouth, forming steam as it mixed with the winter wind. I could feel the howl releasing my fear, my anger and past trauma from all who were affected by those years of suppression of the wild woman. As it echoed down into the valley, more howls returned. My ears perked up in the direction of the source, and I took off running toward it, claws scraping against the rock on my departure. Thorned vines ripped at my fur as I raced in the direction of my pack, causing warm blood to stain my grey-black fur. Trees whirled past as I continued on, the rhythm of my paws hitting the soft, cold dirt had aligned with the beating drum in my chest. I was close. My vision became sharper as I focused on a dim spot of orange-yellow light in the distance. As I approached, I could see that it was from a bellowing fire that had been made in a small opening of trees. The howls and yelps grew as I approached. slowing my pace, I approached wearily, hiding in the darkness at first. My nose twitched as it smelled the air, looking for familiar scents. I could see the beings around the fire, spinning and twirling in delight and warmth – something my soul had longed to be a part of. With one brave step into the ring of trees, my paws suddenly became feet again. As the light from the fire engulfed my being, I was transformed back into my human form. I captured the attention of a few, and as I met their eyes they saw the journey that I had been on. They knew – as each of them had taken a similar journey. They threw their heads back in ecstatic laugher, joy unfurling from their bare bellies as they danced toward me. Pulling me into the circle, the women welcomed me without words. They painted my skin with the blood of berries and combed my long dark hair with their fingers. They fell silent as one gently placed a crown of jasmine flowers on my head. She took my cold, trembling hands in hers and a warmth passed through her and into my heart. “Welcome back” she said into my eyes. Hot tears streamed from them and, in unison, we tilted our heads and our hearts to the moon and released one last howl that harmonized as it flowed outward into the world. Because of each other, we had healed. We found our pack – and had returned home.